There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Randomize
