i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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