and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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