i wish my penis had a tongue
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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