It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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