I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
