WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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