Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
