watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
