please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
