I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
