Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
