I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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