I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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