No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
