I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
