omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
