i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
