no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
