I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
