So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
