I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
