I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We just shotgunned beers for America
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
