I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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