good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
