I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
