I feel like abortions should bother me more
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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