Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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