Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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