I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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