That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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