Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I would ride that face into the sunset
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
