I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
