I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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