last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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