i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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