You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
