she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
