I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize