Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
how does that bad decision feel?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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