You're completely useless in the revolution.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
