too bad you live with your parents still
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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