I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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