I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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