the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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