So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
how drunk are you?
Several
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
