hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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