so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
