kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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