Are we in a gay sports bar?
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
