For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
You've changed since you got that strap on
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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