You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
