I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize