i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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