end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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