i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
