just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
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Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize