First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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