i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
