I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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