Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
