you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
