theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
