im holly from the hills drunk
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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