oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
