they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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