We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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