Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
