everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
