My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
