I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
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we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
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At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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