think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
