You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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