My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
